May 27, 2009

In Sept. 2007 I got my hands on this book the day it came out in the stores. I had been waiting for it because I have a deep respect for Nikki Sixx (and he was always my favorite in the Crue).

I had no idea how personally this book would eventually affect my life. At that time I would never have believed you if you told me, "Your son will be a heroin addict one day". I simply would have thought, "you're crazy, that will NEVER happen!" I was wrong.

If you have not read this book, I recommend it highly, but have to warn you, its not for the faint of heart or the easily offended. Its raw, its hardcore sex, drugs and rock and roll. But mostly its deeply personal and gives an inside view into the life of an addict. Nikki doesn't hold back, he shares his soul here.

During my own journey as the parent of an addict I have met many other parents, I dedicate this post to them. Its one of those things you can't possibly comprehend unless you experience it yourself, and I hope and pray none of you ever have to. I have learned so much from those other parents and don't know how I would get through this without them. And also to two guys that either know what its like to love an addict (Syd) or to be one (Shane) that have encouraged me and shared hope with me.

This video was made in response to the book to express gratitude to Nikki for writing it and shedding some light to others. I have to wonder - if I would have shared this book with Keven before he picked up the needle for the first time - would it have stopped him? I will never know.

Now playing: Sixx: A.M. - Tomorrow
via FoxyTunes

(thanks, Amber, for posting this today!)

Permission - Sixx AM

p.s. I just watched this again and cried. To see the arms of your child covered in bruises and track marks, to look into their once innocent eyes and see vacancy, to wonder "where did I go wrong as a parent?". But mostly to lie in bed all night with your stomach in knots wondering if he will come home...or is tonight the OD? Jail? An accident? Is he ever coming home?

Thank you, Nikki, if it weren't for your book I would not have been prepared to understand how it can own you after the first try. Thank you for showing the addicts that they can have their lives back. I love you.


CTVicky said...

I can't imagine what it must be like as a parent, to go through having a child who is addicted to heroin. I hope I never have that experience.

I don't think that book is for me, personally, it would upset me too much but thank you for sharing all of that, it's very brave of you.

Have you heard of the book, "Mum Can You Lend Me Twenty Quid"?

It's a mother's real-life account of having both twin sons addicted to heroin. I read extracts in the newspaper and I must say, it's an amazing but harrowing story.

Plochmann said...

Wow, Barbara! What an amazing post. Thanks for sharing & we wish you the best as a parent (& the best for your son).

Jeff said...

Hope everything is going well! I'm not a Crue fan but the book sounds interesting. Maybe I'll pick it up. Right now I have nothing to read.

Bond said...

I went through my own personal hell for about 2 is not easy, but if you have loved ones around, you can survive...your son is well loved.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Vicky, Thanks for telling me about that book...I will check it out if my heart can bare it. I think (hope, pray) that my son is out of the addiction stage where he lies and steals to get money...I am one of the lucky ones. My son was only into it for 6 months.

Plochmann, thanks. I hate to share but love to share because there is HOPE.

Jeff, you don't have to like Crue to like the book. Its really more like reading a diary, just as the title suggests. It just happens to be written by a guy in a band called Motley Crue.

Bond, thank you for saying that. What breaks my heart is the people that don't have loved ones. What do they have to live for? Not much.

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