Music Still in My Soul....

It kills me that I have let this blog fall to the wayside.

If you would have told me I'd stop writing here my response would have been, "yeah, right!  why would I ever do that!?"

Life sometimes takes us on a journey we never wanted to take.  And the one I'm on* is still robbing me from the joy I used to find in writing about my passion:  music.  I still love it, listen to it constantly (Bowie's Starman is in my ear right this minute, 100.3).  But - just can't seem to get anything on "paper".

Now I write about heroin addiction and how its affected my life, and continues to challenge me daily to stay strong, to realize I have no control over my son, and to just keeping hoping for the best and sending good thoughts out to the universe.

The Most Important Messages in Songs:

Many songs have a message for us. One that is very relevant to me these days is by the Stones, and its one I'd like my son to "get" also. The song is, "You Can't Always Get What You Want", but damn it, if you TRY, sometimes you get what you NEED! (key words, want, try and need).

My goal is to ask some famous Rapper to re-record some songs with POSITIVE messages so my son will actually listen to and perhaps adopt the message.

What songs can you add to the list?

(To those of you following the saga of my son, thanks for listening between the lines , he's still not learning his lessons but at least he's someplace "safe" for the moment. Addiction is an ugly, evil disease).

The "project" I've Been Working On

I've been working really hard to update my blog, Gone But Not Forgotten. Here's  what is new and improved:

The banner, which is awesome, was done by Gary Means:



also:

• I've added about 15 new names (with another 20 still on the list
• I've written a personal thought for every person
• Each name is now hyper-linked to Wikipedia
• There is a link under most people with a song that leads to lyrics, video, photos, bio and other info
• There are youtube videos included with some of the most memorable performances

But the most IMPORTANT part of the site is what YOU add. Your comments, memories, opinions, input are what make it personal and meaningful. I hope you'll stop by and add a thought or two under some of your favorite musicians.

Please, please let me know if I have left someone out. And please link to me on your blog if you don't mind.

I've been in contact with several family members and friends of the some of the musicians and will let you know as they add their comments.

Let's keep the memories of these special people alive....

One final word:

Many of you know that my 18 yr. old son is a heroin addict. One of my missions in life is to shed light on how widespread and life threatening this problem is. Its very prevalent among young males and - musicians. If you glance at the sidebar of GBNF you will see how many lives we've lost....and that's of famous musicians. Its happening daily everywhere to kids like mine, like yours. Something has to be done, but I have no idea what other than getting our government to give more of a shit about illegal drugs entering our country.

In Sept. 2007 I got my hands on this book the day it came out in the stores. I had been waiting for it because I have a deep respect for Nikki Sixx (and he was always my favorite in the Crue).

I had no idea how personally this book would eventually affect my life. At that time I would never have believed you if you told me, "Your son will be a heroin addict one day". I simply would have thought, "you're crazy, that will NEVER happen!" I was wrong.

If you have not read this book, I recommend it highly, but have to warn you, its not for the faint of heart or the easily offended. Its raw, its hardcore sex, drugs and rock and roll. But mostly its deeply personal and gives an inside view into the life of an addict. Nikki doesn't hold back, he shares his soul here.

During my own journey as the parent of an addict I have met many other parents, I dedicate this post to them. Its one of those things you can't possibly comprehend unless you experience it yourself, and I hope and pray none of you ever have to. I have learned so much from those other parents and don't know how I would get through this without them. And also to two guys that either know what its like to love an addict (Syd) or to be one (Shane) that have encouraged me and shared hope with me.

This video was made in response to the book to express gratitude to Nikki for writing it and shedding some light to others. I have to wonder - if I would have shared this book with Keven before he picked up the needle for the first time - would it have stopped him? I will never know.

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Now playing: Sixx: A.M. - Tomorrow
via FoxyTunes

(thanks, Amber, for posting this today!)


Permission - Sixx AM


p.s. I just watched this again and cried. To see the arms of your child covered in bruises and track marks, to look into their once innocent eyes and see vacancy, to wonder "where did I go wrong as a parent?". But mostly to lie in bed all night with your stomach in knots wondering if he will come home...or is tonight the OD? Jail? An accident? Is he ever coming home?

Thank you, Nikki, if it weren't for your book I would not have been prepared to understand how it can own you after the first try. Thank you for showing the addicts that they can have their lives back. I love you.

Do you pray? Pray for all the people in our world that are struggling with drug addiction. Its an epidemic we don't talk about much. Its ripping the futures out of the hands of our children who fall into the snare. Families are tormented, numbed, helpless. Its ugly. Its scary. Its happening in a home near you....

Robbin Crosby - a sad story

Was just riding my exercise bike and watching VH1 Classics, they had a show on featuring RATT. Before I knew it my cycling had stopped and I was glued to the interviews and film clips of the band. Plus, its hard to peddle when you feel like crying and that's how I felt when I saw Robbin on the screen.

So many lives claimed by drugs...

It seems to be a typical scenario, the most sensitive person in the band ends up the drug addict. No one realizes how bad it is till its too late. Or maybe,in his case, no one cared enough.

Although I've always been a 70's girl at heart, I did go the clubs in Hollywood during the LA Band scene of the early 80's. On one occasion I had the opportunity to meet Robbin Crosby.

This will sound a bit odd, but I've always been very discerning about people and often feel like I can see someone's "true self" in just a brief meeting. That's how it was with Robbin. I was only with him for a short time but I got a clear sense that he was a senstive soul. I wondered if he was not cut out for party rock band scene, even though we were about the same age he seemed vulnerable and out of place with the other guys.

As the band gained popularity he became addicted to heroin. For a long time he hid his drug/alcohol problems but eventually it caught up to him and he was forced to leave the band. I just saw a clip of his last show. During one of their big hits he picked up the wrong guitar. He had no clue. He kept playing. It sounded horrible. All eyes were on him - the band, the audience, and that's when they realized he'd gone over the top. Apparently after that most of the band members wouldn't even associate with him. He went from a rich rock star to a junkie living in a shack.

He contacted AIDS. Word had it that he kicked the heroin habit, but on June 8, 2002 he died. Some say it was an OD, some say it was a heart attack. Does it really matter? It all started with the first taste of heroin that stuff usually owns you after one try.

At one point in the interview he talked about how he reached out in desperation to his former band mates and, other than Juan Croucier, they would have nothing to do with him. That kind of sums up my opinion of Steven Pearcy - he was the typical arrogant frontman with "LSD" (lead singer's disease - it was very contagious in those hair bands of the 80's).

Robbin's nickname in the band was "King" but he certainly didn't die
like one. Its tragic.

Here is what Juan had to say about the death of his friend, it kind of confirms to me that my instincts about Robbin were right:

"Former bassist Juan Croucier, who remained very close with Crosby over the years, wrote, "To a King among men: Robbin, you will always be loved by those who knew you. I will always love you, beyond words. Your kindness and compassion, knew no bounds. Your heart was pure love. Your sprit was a gift to be admired. It was an honor to have been your friend. I will always cherish the many wonderful memories we shared together, over the many years. The world is a better place because of you. I wish you all the love in this world and all the peace in heaven. The pain and suffering is over. God bless you."

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Now playing: Ratt - Round and Round
via FoxyTunes