February 5, 2011

Life Changes and It Changed Me

This was my very first blog, my baby. I am not going to stop writing here but I'm not the same person that started this blog in 2005, I'm not the one who lovingly wrote of my personal rock and roll memories, shared my favorite songs, kept up to date on all the music news. On 12/19/08 that person started to die, and a new person has replaced her


It was on that day that I realized my son was addicted to heroin. He had just turned 18, he was still in high school. The first year and a half was a nightmare I tried to wake up from - suicide attempt, jail, mental hospital, jail, overdose, jail, hospital, rehab, jail, another rehab, another hospital visit....

Somewhere during this time I changed. When I chose to skip seeing U2 at the Rosebowl I knew it was serious, that a part of me had died.

I became less fun, but more strong. I learned a lot about myself and I learned more about heroin addiction than I ever wanted to know. I never gave up hope on my son, and I never will. But the person who wrote this blog, well she's just gone. She may show up now and then to throw something up here. She may get her mojo back and get this blog back to the popular, interesting place it used to be.

Until then, I will leave this blog here because I still get tons of hits from people searching for specific things. It makes me feel good to know that Layla's Classic Rock still has a purpose.

Right now, I've got a song on my mind, so I'll leave you with a few words from Mr. David Bowie:

Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth
You pull on your finger, then another finger, 
then your cigarette
The wall-to-wall is calling, it lingers, then you forget
Ohhh how how how, you're a rock 'n' roll suicide...

17 comments:

Erin said...

Life changes. I understand that. Do what you need to do and care for yourself first. Just keep the music in your heart to bring you joy or peace when you need it. You'll be back one day.

We'll wait.

Seano said...

To my best blog friend whom I've never met... I understand, more than you know.Life can pry you away from your passions, but you still have to live it.

beachteacher said...

I get this Barbara,....so very true. I really related to the much less fun but much stronger than you knew part. Glad you're keeping this blog going though....love it.

Barbara said...

Hi Erin, I still love the music just as much as ever, just lost the need to write about it. Thanks, sweetie.

Seano - I thought of you as I wrote this because I know you can relate. I think of you every day. I guess I should write you...

Beach, I know you get it since we're in the same boat. I'm okay with being stronger because as they say - only the strong survive. :)

Maxi said...

Hey Barbara.. big hug from Spain ;)

I always have a great time checking your posts.. when you said you saw Bowie and Aeorsmith back in the day.. I just imagine how great would have been.. and when you said you felt from your bicycle when listening to the Doors.. that was fun...

Anyway I must be true that life sometimes seems to be all about dealing with disappointments and bad news.. but hey, that's why we love music.. because it makes us feel alive... and being fair.. from time to time.. there are also great things happening.. no?

well you may not be that person anymore.. but sure that person is still inside of you...

Perplexio said...

I've watched the changes that have happened in your life via your blogs. As others have stated life changes and over the course of a life priorities and focuses change with the events that shape our lives.

I'm sorry that you've had to go through what you've gone through and continue to go through. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are and have been with you.

And save a little place in your heart for the music. Sometimes it offers the best possible therapy one could ask for.

Barbara said...

Maxi, Thank you so much for your words :) I will always love the music, that will never change! I got a huge smile on my face that you remember my Doors/bike accident story. I will keep reading your blog and will be writing on the blog about my son, and my quotes blog.

Darrin - I consider you a friend after all the stuff we've been through over the years! Thanks for caring about me. And don't worry, I may have lost my love for blogging about music but

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE MUSIC, IT SUSTAINS ME!!!

That hasn't changed.

Dan said...

Hey Barbara, So sorry for not contributing to this blog more often. I really appreciated the times that I was able to share some of my love for the music we both love so dearly. I too consider you a special friend and to have never met someone and consider them a friend is certainly special. I too have a song in my heart for you right now...Riders on the storm, riders on the storm. Into this house were born, into this world were thrown. Like a dog without a bone, an actor out alone. Riders on the storm.
Hang on Barbara through all the storms thrown your way and know that I am praying for you.

Zee said...

I'm so sorry :(
It must have taken a lot of courage to write this post. I hope your son recovers...I know the chances aren't great but I'll still be thinking of you.
And Layla's Classic Rock will always have a purpose. There's no need for you to worry about that :) xx

Ohara said...

Good luck.
In my little way I will attempt to carry the torch from your blog to mine.

Sean Coleman said...

To a very generous soul. Sending good thoughts your way and a wish for peace to come into your life. I can only echo the sentiments of everyone else here by saying that you are handling a very tough family issue with grace. Best to you as always, Barb.

Charlie said...

Barbara:

We're all so glad you've survived this ordeal. You need to keep dealing with what's important and while we all would miss Layla's if it suddenly went away we would all understand. Good luck and keep us posted with any good news.

Barbara said...

Dan, you contributed a lot to this blog! You, Sean and Darrin carried it for me for a long time and I appreciated it SO MUCH.

I'll still be around and I will always love music.

The song you chose for me is perfect....when Max (a few comments above yours) mentioned me listening to the Doors on my bike, that was the song I had in my head - then I fell over and broke my arm. A painful but wonderful memory.

Zee, thanks for the kind words. I have a lot of faith in my son (for the first time) because he wants recovery and is working hard for it.

Ohara, thank you!

Gosh Sean, make me cry. Thanks very much for your words.

Hey Charlie, thanks. I will be around and will keep people updated on Facebook.

Isorski said...

Take care of yourself first, Barbara. The music will be with you forever and people will pore over your backlog of posts for a long time. I will miss your posts but will keep an eye on Facebook for updates. I hope life treats you well - you deserve it.

Mission Man said...

Barbara, I hadn't been to your blog for a couple of weeks and so I just saw your last post. I am so sorry, I hope joy returns into your life soon. Remember the healing power of rock 'n' roll!

Guitarman5150 said...

Layla, I know how you feel, my blog will go for months without an update. Why? Life pulls me through many twists and turns I don't expect, but I always come back to it. I will always be here to read whatever you have to say when you say it.

Barbara said...

Guitarman, I smiled when I saw your name pop up here, Its been a while and its good to hear from you. I hope you're doing okay, hang in there and we'll get through!

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